Farmville is her only friend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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