I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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