woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
