so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
