I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
