I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
