I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia