I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.