do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.