please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.