Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.