totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
