thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
