I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
