U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
