yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
