I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
