My hand turned me down
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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