I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
