I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
