Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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