guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
