there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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