upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
