how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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