he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
