Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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