During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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