I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
