bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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