Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
