Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
