You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just high enough for therapy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
