I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
