just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
