"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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