So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
