Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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