I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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