I hate all girls vehemently.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
