I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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