He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
