I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
