ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
