Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
