found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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