I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Terrible idea I love it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
