Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
