Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
