Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
