Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
