Cold hands, warm shart.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
