There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
