I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
