Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
