Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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