i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
