I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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