idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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