take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
