I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
