pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just cropdusted the office
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
