My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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