But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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