I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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