I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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