i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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