Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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