The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
