Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
