Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
