there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize