508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is wine microwaveable?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
