Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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