i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
jump out the window naked night went bad
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