it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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