im having a threesome with these popsicles
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
