remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
