ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
